Surviving Separation - 10 Tips


Surviving Separation - 10 Top Tips

1. Acknowledge that experiencing divorce or separation can represent a serious life crisis, involving major changes. The loss and changes also impacts on other family members, including any children of the relationship.

2. Separation in itself is not harmful for children, however high conflict is. Avoid using the children to gain information about the other parent. Avoid speaking disrespectfully about the other pare
nt to or within hearing shot of the children. Focus on your children’s needs, they need your support.

3. Understand that you will be experiencing a range of confusing and painful emotions. Some of these may include anger, resentment, despair, relief, grief, fear, the inability to think clearly and a sense of injustice. Be aware that separation takes place at two levels, physically and emotionally. Emotional separation may take place long before the physical separation or vice-a-versa.

4. Recognise that one of you may be at a different stage to the other in the grieving process. One may be keen to move on and plan for the future, whereas, the other may still be trying to make sense of the separation, asking why, or trying to get the other partner back.

5. Be informed and decide for yourself what you want to do rather listen to gossip.

6. Ask yourself whether you want to maintain an amicable ongoing relationship with you ex-partner, especially if you have children.

7. Decide whether you want to get into a fight over settling issues or deal with them cooperatively.

8. Explore your options. Basically, you have three as we see it:

(i) Come to an agreement between yourselves;

(ii) Go down the adversarial path by going to court which will cost you time and money not to mention increase your stress; or 

(iii) Attend family mediation (FDR) where you can discuss your needs and concerns with a skilled impartial and objective family dispute resolution practitioner (FDRP).

9. If you decide on FDR, ensure you seek out a FDR service provider that is accredited by the Attorney General's Department, qualified and experienced professionals who meet the requirements of the Family Law Regulations. We also recommend that you seek independent legal advice before signing any agreements or legal documents.

10. Start dealing only with immediate priorities, especially if the separation is recent. Don’t be in a hurry to settle things fast. You will be making important decisions that need careful consideration. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will gradually begin to feel better and commence building a new life.

And remember PMCC through its holistic and collaborative approach is here to help you and your loved ones every step of the way... 9429 8878.